Emotional Baggage

Recently I put "Just be Free..." as my MSN nickname. A friend asked me what does it mean and what do I want to be free from? And I told him that I wanted to be free from my worries, to which he laughed and say that it is not possible:P

Hmm...maybe it is impossible to be free from worries, at least not at this point of my life:p Not that I have been around THAT long, but in a way long enough to have had a few hard times & to feel jaded and tired of things around me once in a while...

And I think in a way that is really what I want to be free from...the emotional baggage that you carry and add on as you go on in life...Little worries of life like wondering how you will do for your test the next day, or thinking that you don't have enough money to spend :P those are inevitable...and actually if I am honest with myself, I hardly think so much about these little worries...they are part of life after all:p

But it's the...it's the increasing amount of times you say "yeah right" when something good happens...its the sarcasm you feel right after the initial warmth settles down and vanishes after you have finished a great romance novel ("Like THAT'S gonna happen!:P), it's the feeling that you are not good enough, the question of "What's wrong with me?" as compared to others, the 101 excuses you give yourself on why something won't work out....it's supposed to be everything and all that you CAN leave behind, but instead you don't, and you might not know it because most of the time you just go through life like normal, but then something happens and you find out...I haven't left that piece of me behind after all....and they're all still there...the emotional baggage that weighs you down and stops you from "just being free...."

I used to be more impulsive than this...now I'm just wary...even the best things can turn awry....in fact, maybe sometimes it is especially the best things that are more prone to disasters and wrong turns....for how can anything so wonderful be true? How can something wonderful last?

Sigh....

"Goodbye four-leaf clovers,
Hello gone awry......"

- A Song to Sing, HANSON.

"I want to believe, that it's not only me,
Who's longing just to believe..."

- Believe, HANSON