Monday, January 31, 2005

Emotional Baggage

Recently I put "Just be Free..." as my MSN nickname. A friend asked me what does it mean and what do I want to be free from? And I told him that I wanted to be free from my worries, to which he laughed and say that it is not possible:P

Hmm...maybe it is impossible to be free from worries, at least not at this point of my life:p Not that I have been around THAT long, but in a way long enough to have had a few hard times & to feel jaded and tired of things around me once in a while...

And I think in a way that is really what I want to be free from...the emotional baggage that you carry and add on as you go on in life...Little worries of life like wondering how you will do for your test the next day, or thinking that you don't have enough money to spend :P those are inevitable...and actually if I am honest with myself, I hardly think so much about these little worries...they are part of life after all:p

But it's the...it's the increasing amount of times you say "yeah right" when something good happens...its the sarcasm you feel right after the initial warmth settles down and vanishes after you have finished a great romance novel ("Like THAT'S gonna happen!:P), it's the feeling that you are not good enough, the question of "What's wrong with me?" as compared to others, the 101 excuses you give yourself on why something won't work out....it's supposed to be everything and all that you CAN leave behind, but instead you don't, and you might not know it because most of the time you just go through life like normal, but then something happens and you find out...I haven't left that piece of me behind after all....and they're all still there...the emotional baggage that weighs you down and stops you from "just being free...."

I used to be more impulsive than this...now I'm just wary...even the best things can turn awry....in fact, maybe sometimes it is especially the best things that are more prone to disasters and wrong turns....for how can anything so wonderful be true? How can something wonderful last?

Sigh....

"Goodbye four-leaf clovers,
Hello gone awry......"

- A Song to Sing, HANSON.

"I want to believe, that it's not only me,
Who's longing just to believe..."

- Believe, HANSON

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Just...

I know there is surely something quite wrong with me when I am feeling something wrong, and there is something bugging my mind & my heart...and I cant pinpoint what exactly it is....Maybe it's just the day...a combination of physical tiredness, worry about all the things that I, as U2 will say it, "all the things I cant leave behind", and some serious emotional confusion on feelings and how I view them...even this blog is not making much sense :( agh...

Sunday, January 16, 2005

Busy Busy Busy

Today is Sunday...which means that holidays is officially over sigh
:( I had a glorious car trip up North wif a bunch of GReat Friends :)...From JB to KL to Kulim to Penang to ALor Setar to Kulim again back down all the way to JB with stops in Bukit Merah, Ipoh and KL...Been trying to find a noce time to actually blog down all my travels...things we did, people we met, places we have seen and definitely the FOOD that we have eaten ;)...but it has been so so hectic coming back...with assignments & thesis and teh L'oreal Brandstoem contest that I am joining wif Woonie & Kok Hin...and of course AIESEC stuff, what wif SAC (I want to go for a traineeship!!!:) ) and Elections...phew...such busy busy times..

Sunday, January 02, 2005

Wanted : SoulMate

Wanted : Soulmate

Requirements:- Nice smile, kind eyes, reliable shoulders to lean on, warm hands to hold and willing to comfort, arms wide open to accomodate another, tactful words, guitar playing skills, a voice that warms your soul..

Job Description:- To laugh over jokes with, share companionable silences with, cuddles & kisses, to share thoughts & ideas with, to listen to the pourings of a lonely heart, to share an ice cream cone with, to watch a movie with, to catch a Hanson/John Mayer concert with, to "manja" with, to share secrets with, to visit places of dreams with, to exchange gifts of the heart with, to paint a future with, to grow old with...

Compensation & Benefits:- All of the above in return.

Interested candidates can come for a walk-in interview any time,any day.Nothing required for you to bring along, just yourself, and the ability to convince the potential employer that you like her just as she is...

Saturday, January 01, 2005

Songs to sing your Love...

True romantic that I am, there are times when I hear certain songs...and I wish they were songs written about me :P, and if not...perhaps someday someone would look
at me and think of that particular song and what it says...everything it says...

And I'd like to think that my choice of songs, and its lyrics, are not your usual sappy songs:P but these are words that rings clear, and pure in its expression...written in
the most honest of voices :)...

For the silent love of your life...

"When you look at her she looks at me,
She's got me thinking about her constantly,
But she don't know how I feel,
And she carries on without a doubt.
And I wonder if she'll figure it out
I'm crazy for this girl,
yea I'm crazy for this girl..."

- "Crazy for this Girl" - Evan & Jaron


For that blinding moment when you suddenly realize, you really, really like the person in front of you ;)

"You make me wanna call you in the middle of the night,
You make me wanna hold you 'til the morning light,
You make me wanna love, you make me wanna fall,
You make me wanna surrender my soul...."

- "You Make Me Wanna" - Blue


For that time when you just have to push all fears aside, and tell her...

" I'm falling even more in love with you,
Letting go of all the things I knew,
I'm standing here until you make me move,
I'm hanging by a moment here with you..."

- "Hanging By A Moment" - Lifehouse


For that person whom you have been together with for not that very long yet...
When you've been together long enough to miss their company when they're away
, but not that long that you are ready to let down all guards and be totally vulnerable...

"Because I miss you
And this is all I wanna say
I guess I miss you beautiful
These three words have said it all
You know I miss you
I think about you when you're gone
I guess I miss you nothing's wrong
I don't mean to carry on..."

- "I Miss You" - Darren Hayes


For that moment when the two of you are just sitting together, not saying anything, not even touching, and then you look up and you see her profile and the soft smile she has on her face as she reads her book, and it strikes you again how very lucky you are, that in
a world where there are so many broken hearts looking for the one that can heal them, she chose...to give her heart to you...

"There's somethin' 'bout the way
You look tonight
There's somethin' 'bout the way that
I can't take my eyes off you...

...Maybe it's the look you get in your eyes
Oh, baby, it's the way that it makes me feel to see you smile
And the reasons they may change
But what I'm feelin' stays the same...

...In the way that you move me
And the way that you tease me
The way that I want you tonight
It's in the way that you hold me
and the way that you know me
And when I can't find the right words to say
You feel it in the way...

...I can't put my fingers on just what it is that make me
Love you, you, baby
So don't ask me to decribe
I get all choked up inside
Just thinkin' 'bout the way..."

- "The Way" - Clay Aiken

For the person who is your Goddess,and makes you glad that there is a warm body to cuddle up to in bed...

"One pair of candy lips, your bubblegum tongue...
ANd if you want love, we'll make it
Swimming a deep sea of blankets
Take all you big plans and break 'em
This is bound to be awhile...
Your body is a Wonderland..."

- "Your Body is a Wonderland" -JOhn Mayer


For the love that you let go of, because you have no other choice...

"BUt if you really have to go,
You'll take the high I'll take the low,
BUt when you leave me don't you know
You leave me earthbound...

You took me higher, than I've ever been
Now that we're strangers, I've come down again
Back to the real world, back to the real world
Back to the ground
Not high above me, without your loving,
Now I'm earthbound..."

- "Earthbound" - Conner Reeves

For the person you so want so much to have forever with, but because you realize there is rarely a forever in love, you just want to make the best of things as they are, before it all goes away...

"No way November will see our goodbye,
When it comes to December it's obvious why
No one wants to be alone at Christmas time...
Come JAnuary we're frozen inside
Making new resolutions a hundred times,
February, won't you be my Valentine?
ANd if our always, is all that we gave
ANd we someday take that away
I'll be all right, if it was just til St. Patrick's DAy..."

- "St. Patrick's Day" -John Mayer


For yourself, when you need to continue having faith that despite everything, you will find someone who thinks of you whenever a love song comes on the radio...

"I believe, that my life's gonna see,
The love I give,
Returned to me..."

- "Wheel" - John MAyer