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Questions...insecurities...doubts...comparisons...

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Coward???

Back Home

I came back home on 23rd October Sunday. Aside from leaving 3 excess baggages which I couldn't pay for as every extra 1kg costs RM12 (crazy bloody #$%@ AirAsia :( ) , it feels likeI left...a big part of my life behind. Much to the disappointment of everyone who sent me off,I didn't cry in the airport as expected as I was in too much of a rush to get on board (I was running really late). Anyway, if it makes anyone feel better, I DID cry in the plane (the guy sitting beside me keep glancing curiously over:P)

So yup, I am home.

It is good to be home.

But yet it must be said...

...I miss everyone back there, I miss my sayang...

...and I think of the days past often...

Leaving...

"'Cause these are the days worth livin'
These are the years we're given
And these are the moments
These are the times
Let's make the best out of our lives..."

"Our Lives" - The Calling

This song was a song that I associated with the Sunnybears while we were busy with Youthopia, simply because I was having a ball of a time and I knew that there was this crazy bunch of people who was enjoying the ride as much as I was and giving Youthopia the best that they have got. As I am faced with my last days in Taman Universiti since I am leaving for home this Sunday, it does hurt with a pang, knowing those days will never return...

Which is probably one of the reasons that I am choosing to leave. Staying here sometimes hurt, simply because it is hard to face an environment which is the same and yet where everything has changed...Haha I guess I am just one of the slow ones in this world who clings on and gets attached to a time/place/person too much...

In the course of the past few months I have found myself making several difficult (for me at least) decisions...choosing to turn down a great opportunity in pursuit of a dream....choosing to tough it out here on my own...and finally choosing to leave when I realize that I wasn't strong enough...

Sigh...I really don't know where I am going with this blog :p but for sure...leaving...leaves me with a very "zhen zhong" (is that the correct pin ying?:P)feeling in my heart...

Older...

A year older today....
...but still not knowing what to do with my life:P

All I know is that I will be taking a flight back home next weekend, so I better start packing and seeing people and saying my goodbyes...

I can't plan beyond 1 month ahead, I wonder does that make me a dumb person?

I can't visualize my future, but I am hoping that, like a lot of things in my life so far, I will get there somehow and when I do get there I will be hapy because I know that at that point in my life it is the best that I can be...

Birthday Weekend

...a new pair of Green suede shoes...
...a mouldy 3-weeks old Dunkin Donut injected with black ink...
...a hard boiled egg covered with well wishes...
...smses from friends and family near and far..
...a free KFC dinner treat...
...an absolutely huge red & white lollipop...
...a handmade 3D card painstakingly carved out...
...a cute card with puppies and bears on it...
...and lastly...
...a whole weekend with my Frog Prince :)...

...are all treasures that I will keep to savour in years to come as the memories of this wonderful birthday weekend :)

Hugs & kisses to everyone who gave their best wishes, be it in the form of sms, card or present, and to my sayang, Happy Belated Birthday :)!!!
Thanks so much for the present and all the trouble you went to get it for me...I know you don't like shopping and all that but you found just the one that I like!!! :) Big hugs & kisses to you...hope can grow old(er) with you every year :)...

Time for a treat :)...

Bad Day - Daniel Powter

Where is the moment we need at the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day

(Oh.. Holiday..)

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day


...cool song :) I was just googling this singer & James Blunt (who sang "You're Beautiful") as their songs has alerted my musical detector (potential male singer-songwriter whose songs I might possibly go crazy over haha:P) and found Daniel Powter's officiat website which played 3 of his songs from his self-titled debut for free (including this song) and he sounds good :)....and been looking at James Blunt's reviews as well, so far a lot of positive reviews....went to his website as well and the introduction on this guy sounds like something written by Ngiam (the way it is written:P)...Anyway did u guys know that James Blunt used to be a Peacekeeper in Kosovo and, according to the website "went to University and studied Aerospace Manufacturing Engineering and Sociology, spending most lectures asleep on the floor at the back"...wow the background of these people:P His website and album cover is very...uhm...it reminds me of the "Restropective" youthopia t-shirt that Zed desiigned for the OCs:P...Hmm...somethings tells me that I will be getting myself some musical treats soon :)...

Love is Funny...

Love is funny...

It's the kind of funny that will make you feel like going crazy sometimes...

You want to laugh, jump, run to the ends of the world and back...because you're so happy, so deliriously happy to have found someone you love and who loves you back...

...and yet you want to cry because, loving someone that much , means that you can hurt that much, or more...

Love is...

Love is...

Love is scary...and takes courage...

And just like a lot of things in life, its the kind of thing that you look back at years from now, and you laugh, and you wonder:"How could I have ever been afraid of love?"

...and you find that, love is funny,in that way that only love can be...

"A thousand years" from JK :)

The newest blogger in town, Jinn Kae aka JBG (Johor Bad Guy), has a flair of writing poems on behalf of other people...:P Meaning he put into words what others are feeling...

So far all his poems has been pretty melancholic, so since i requested for some happier writings, he has written one poem for me called "A Thousand Years" in mandarin which is supposed to describe the feelings I have towards my Frog Prince, you know being in love and all...

And I just cried because I am so touched by it :P.

I don't know which part touched me more, the fact that I have a poem dedicated to me (well technically its dedicated to my Frog Prince but then it's written with me in mind so...:P), or just the fact that I read the poem and...it's so true :')...

Sayang....sayang sangat dengan sayang I...going to miss him so much when I leave for home...:(